Whether it’s Mother’s Day where you live or not,

instead of looking at all the places and spaces and stories where you are holding on to anger, grief, regret, blame and shame about your mother. Can you take some time to honor the woman that gave you life regardless of what you longed for and didn’t receive? 

Good, bad, right or wrong can you reframe your narrative into a BOTH AND to acknowledge that your mother shaped you into who you are. The resilient, compassionate, powerful, loving woman that you are today. When you can begin to bring more of your nervous system online, you expand your capacity to create your own internal safety. Then you will be able to grieve for the child within who is running your life, body and business. 

You can honor and love the mother, give gratitude and carry your joy alongside your grief. When you can trust that you chose your mother as your growth partner and visa versa then every trigger, challenge or conflict becomes a pathway to growth and healing for you both. You can give up the lies, the fantasy of the perfect mother. 

If you didn’t get the connection, safety and belonging from your mother, can you give that to your child parts and grow them up as the divine mother?  

On those days where you feel depleted and anxious, where you are shoulding yourself to do, be, give more, ask yourself whose voice that is?  

What would the loving mother say In the highest, whole, healed version of herself?  

As a mother myself, I want what every mother, including my own, wanted for me. –  to be happy, healthy and safe.  Which is where it often gets confusing.  

I spoke about mothering ourselves,being a bad mother and how to trust yourself here.

On a personal level mothers get a bad wrap and because it is the strongest bond we have because we were connected for nine months in the womb. On top of that when our mothers were in the womb of our grandmothers, the egg that we become is already present, so we inherit 3 generations of unresolved trauma and grief on top of any unfinished business from past lifetimes that we had.  

The mother wound is an internalized set of beliefs

and patterns that originate from the dynamics that we have with our mothers that cause us to unconsciously limit and sabotage ourselves unconsciously. 

 Much of which we inherit from our familial lines where men didn’t value women. our mothers taught us how to survive. In a patriarchal world, and for many of us, that means not rocking the boat, not being too big, putting other people’s needs before your own. Our mothers passed along these beliefs, often unintentionally, innocently to protect us and keep us safe.  

We’re living in a time where we’re seeing patriarchal institutions crumbling and falling apart. And I think that’s one of the reasons why working with unresolved grief and trauma within our relationships with our mothers is so important.  

On the spiritual level any disruptions or problems in our relationships with our mothers from an early age impact how safe we feel and if we can trust ourselves, our bodies, other people, in life and a higher power. We question our place in our families and in the world and if we matter, if our gifts are welcomed.   

The Earth is the great mother

who provides and gives us life so on a planetary level we must grieve for our personal relationship with her before we can do better as her daughters. It is uncomfortable and necessary to take ownership of where we have abandoned, rejected, abused and harmed ourselves. Only then by moving and metabolizing our grief can we begin to make better, loving choices that create a ripple effect into the collective.   

How we do anything is how we do everything so we need to get to the root cause of why we may feel chronically not good enough. At the level of the nervous system, we fear abandonment and so we repeat various cycles of abuse to cope with the lack of control depending on your attachment style. If you grew up learning from your mother/father that you can’t trust yourself, you can’t trust others. That translates into too much (competition and comparison) or not enough (feeling invaded, fear of commitment or intimacy). Because we don’t feel safe (feast or famine/ either or /kill or be killed) that manifests in a multitude of ways in all our relationships with money, food, partners, business and the mother wound at the level of the nervous system is a big piece. 

Use the wisdom of the great Mother, all the gifts (there is no good and bad) passed down to you by your mother, and all the mothers that came before you. Honor the lessons, the traditions that are useful and let the parts that no longer serve you die well. Use the sacred ceremony of death and grief rituals to give them a sacred sendoff. Forgive the unforgivable and then through mindfulness change gain the trust of your inner child parts by growing her up in a safe space so that she no longer needs to be the hypervigilant, overprotective gatekeeper to your heart.  

I spoke to the DEATH MOTHER here.

Let your child parts be your growth partner to help you to establish safe, healthy new boundaries and to always speak your truth. Children never censor or hold back the truth until they are told that it is unacceptable. They also make up what they don’t understand. So, remember that by naming the places where you felt hurt or traumatized by your mother does not mean you don’t love them. You can forgive them; you don’t have to forgive the behavior. There is no room for guilt or shame in the healing process. 

Remind her as she reminds you that all aspects of her/you are welcome.    

Whether you are reading this as a mother or a child trust that you are on your own path and do not let your biology, your history or the role you are playing define you. Let us stop blaming our mothers and rewrite her/story. Use the mother energy in its highest form of contribution to show you what love would do and then go do that thing generously, with your whole heart.

If you would like me to be that certainty for you while you heal your unresolved grief and trauma patterns including the Mother wound, The Mindfulness Change Process is an effective, powerful way to accelerate your healing and claim back your power.

If your Mother is no longer alive and you miss her I am so sorry. Trust that she is with you in spirit, watching over you, guiding you, supporting you – loving you. 

If your Mother is alive, may you embrace her for the growth partner she is and tell her how much she matters to you. May you grieve well and love hard. 

Do what your mother would say –  

take a nap, have some fun, eat, drink some water. You must be so proud of yourself. Go celebrate. Stop worrying about things you can’t control.  

Everything is going to be okay. 

Time is so precious. 

Make every moment count. 

You’ve got this! 

Your greatest supporter 

Love you to the moon and back! 

Sarah-Jane 

PS: This comprehensive guidebook Until We Meet Again – how to carry your grief alongside your joy, find peace after petloss and connect in the afterlife goes beyond pet loss. If you aren’t ready for personal support just yet, this is a good place to start.